Solitary and Dormant Christianity

I don't want to be the cause of someone's Christian faith shattering. On the contrary, I know that the best aim is to be a fellow-worker of the Christian faith who edifies her household and local church congregation. However, for the past 15 years, it has been a continuous struggle in which the war is waging between my own selfish sinful desires and the desire to serve God through a living relationship with Him and His people. My selfish sinful desires win almost every time, and I can't help but wonder if my actions have ever caused someone else to stumble or to lose their faith in Christ.

 It is unfortunate to say this, but I don't doubt that could very well be the case.

The truth is to this point I have lived a dormant and solitary Christianity. When I think of the times my passion for Christ seemed to have been on fire, usually after going to a youth camp or church retreat, I realize now it was a momentarily passion ignited mentally and emotionally that shortly afterwards slipped into oblivion. And I returned to my passionless Christianity. For what good has it done me to cry tears and reconsecrate myself to God for the umpteen time during those alter calls when my hands and feet have been motionless the following days, weeks, and months? I can't honestly say I have fed and clothed anyone. I haven't cared for the orphans and the widows, nor have I boldly stood up for the defenseless; the very things that St James describes in his letter as pure religion, which we as Christians should aspire to practice.

Throughout the years I perceived myself as a servant of God, but the reality is that perception has been false because I haven't lived to serve God and His people. To those who truly live to serve God and His people, Christ will only utter those words of "Well done, good and faithful servant..." Such realization should stir one toward changing that sad reality to a truly more glorious and honorable reality of what God calls us to do, which is to do good works in Christ, of which God has prepared for us to do since before the beginning of time. Christians aren't called to be dead and silent. We are called to be alive and vibrant, our actions causing others to glorify God for our good deeds, and serving God as the center of who we are.

This realization is nothing new. Every so often I think and write about how I am not living the faith I say that I believe, and how now is the time to make the change. Yet, I'm still here, living as if I were not here, not living the faith of which I know I can do so much more with and for Christ,  in which I know that I should struggle to the point of blood. 

There is a Christian song called, "If we are the body" by Casting Crowns that I listen to once in a while that reminds me what it means to be a Christian. The song is more about how the Church a lot of times fails in reaching out to the outcasts, and instead isolates those who are in most need. However, the song doesn't only remind me that a Christian is not one who is alone but one who takes part of a community of fellow-workers that form the Body of Christ doing good works in His name. When I listen to the song, I am also reminded that , "Why am I not doing these things? Why am I not serving as a fellow-worker of the body of Christ? Why am I not imitating the One who I call my Lord, Jesus Christ? Why are my arms not reaching, my hands not healing, my words not teaching, my feet not going? Where is the Love I profess to have?"

"But if we are the Body, why aren't his arms reaching? Why aren't his hands healing? Why aren't his words teaching? If we are the body, why aren't his feet going, why is his love not showing them there is a way?"

Whose life has been lost because of my solitary and dormant Christianity? Whose soul have I caused to stumble because of my lack of commitment to Love? Whose faith has shrunk because of my loveless faith?

 I have much to answer for on the Day of Judgment.